Santa Claus is Immune to Coronavirus | The State of the U #13
Hello and welcome, one and all.
My name is Francisco Cantu.
With thanksgiving on the rearview mirror and Dr. Fauci’s announcement that Santa Claus is immune to the Coronavirus, I can see no merrier time to go ahead and check on The State of the U.
And all in all, there were not many surprises- you got expected Alabama at number 1, an Undefeated Notre Dame atop of the ACC, and Clemson in the top 4.
So for the most part, there was no real controversy.
The only people who may feel a little cheated is BYU, who after a perfect, undefeated season so far, got ranked at 14th.
What they don’t get is that they are undefeated in the popular season.
If you count the fraudulent games and the literal electoral college, then things start to get more complicated.
Turns out, however, that these were faulty results caused by flawed testing.
Making this the 2nd best false positive a college student could have gotten this Thanksgiving.
Turns out that, after conducting a second test, only four of these people returned positive results.
Obviously, these are great news, but I can’t help but feel bad for those four people who tested positive, then received a glimmer of hope, only to get a positive result right back.
That’s like losing Georgia for the 7th time.
As mentioned earlier, now that thanksgiving is done, this week marked the beginning of a special time of the year.
It is the beginning of a very magical time in which all people across the country can come together and celebrate; that’s right ladies and gentlemen, college basketball is back.
And our very divided nation can once again come together for the one thing we can all agree on: We All. Hate. Duke.
Now this season started off in an unprecedented way with empty stadiums all across the country. And it’s worth highlighting how big of a challenge this will be–consider this:
- The NFL has 32 professional teams.
- The NHL has 31.
- The NBA has 30.
- All while college Football has 130 teams.
Now think about how much work it was to make each of these leagues work–now consider this: College basketball has 357 teams spread across 49 states!
If the NCAA makes this work, they’ve got my vote for 2024!
This is a record-shattering number that becomes extra impressive when considering how we are in the middle of a global pandemic.
Unfortunately, however, the Dow Jones decided to use the Pass/Fail option so his A will not be counted towards his GPA.
Now, while most high school and college athletic programs are following the mandate by ending their training until the spring of 2021, the University of New Mexico and New Mexico State University have decided to pack up their bags and leave the state.
Now if you thought these stories were wild, you have to see what’s coming up next, or else U Won’t Believe it.
And although this may sound odd, I think this is the absolute best plot of Nicholas Cage’s newest movie: National Treasure 4.
So between college football coming to an end while college basketball is starting, fake positive COVID results and Oscar-worthy films being in pre-production, this has been a jolly, jolly week in the world of higher education.
I am Francisco Cantu, and this has been: The State of the U.
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